Mizpah
by Savannah Runes
Summary: Jem has only ever loved two people in his life like this: Tessa, of course, and Will. Though it has been many years since Will's death, Jem is overcome with the desire to say a proper goodbye to him, as Jem this time and not as Brother Zachariah. With Tessa by his side, they both face their strange little love story


**A/N: so I wrote this for my secret santa on tumblr, and I'm quite proud of it, I hope I captured the characters and their relationships well**

**Set after the 'After the Bridge' thing that Cassie wrote, so before Jem and Tessa got married or anything**

**I hope you enjoy, and leave a review if you can, they mean a lot**

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><p><span>Mizpah<span>

Tessa woke up tangled in the sheets, a certain ex-Silent Brother lying next to her, his mouth etched into a smile. Seeing his face, so happy and smiling and free after so long was always liberating for Tessa, and she couldn't help but grin too. Jem's smile had always been infectious.

"Morning, Tessa," he whispered, his voice as soft and sweet as sugar, his dark eyes so much more rich and alive than his sickly, silver ones. He was so alive like this, in these little moments where he was just allowed to be Jem, the little dark haired boy that was away all those years ago, but was now restored to his prime.

"Morning, my Jem," said Tessa, reaching out to place a hand on Jem's cheek. Jem placed his warm palm over hers, stroking gently, comfortingly. The gesture warmed Tessa to the core.

After shaking off the grogginess that accompanies a good night's sleep next to the person you love, the pair got dressed.

"I'll never get used to wearing these modern clothes. And all this modern technology. It makes my head spin; these TVs and i-whatever-you-want-to-call-them."

Tessa laughed, her giggles filling the whole room. "You'll get used to it, Jem. You have the rest of your life to get used to it."

Jem pulled Tessa into his arms, savouring the way her body fit against his, the way her soft, brown hair felt against his fingers. He had never loved someone as much as this. Except maybe…

"Tessa?" There was a cautious edge to his voice, something that Tessa had not heard in a long while.

She pulled back, concerned. "Yes? What is it?"

"I just…I know I visited him countless time in the Silent City but… I've never been to the memorial you built for him in Idris. Now that I'm, well now that I'm Jem again, I just think I should go visit it…"

He didn't need to say who 'he' was. Tessa knew. It could only be one person—Will.

Tessa took Jem's hands into her own, and squeezed them slightly. "Of course. I think we both need to go, together."

Jem kissed her then, sweetly and tenderly. "Thank you."

The memorial Tessa had erected for her husband was in the Herondale family tomb, along with the stones built for her son James and daughter Lucie, as well as other Herondales, some with faces to match the names, others without. They walked past Stephen Herondale's stone, the father of the only living Herondale, Jace. Jem had told her all about him, as he was technically her blood relative, and though he bore the name Lightwood, Tessa desired to meet him very strongly. "He is much like Will in nature," Jem had said. A pang of nostalgia had swept over Tessa at this, and the longing to meet him only intensified.

Walking through the Herondale family tomb made Tessa immeasurably sad. Each time she had taken a trip here in the past century or so, at least after the death of her children, she had been alone, and every time she had not been able to contain the tears as she thought of the things she had lost unfairly, of the things she should have, but didn't. Her tears marked these gravestones, especially Will's.

But this time it was different. Coming here with Jem was like sharing an intimate part of herself with him, exposing it to someone for the first time.

Tessa watched as Jem's eyes fell upon Will's name etched onto the cold stone. His eyes welled with tears as he stared, but none fell.

"Jem?" she whispered, tentatively, afraid she may be interrupting a moment between Jem and Will, something private between them. But Jem turned towards her and smiled, the tears finally spilling onto his cheeks. Tessa felt her own get wet as she took his hand, holding it tightly, like a life line.

"It's just-" Jem murmured, "It's just that I loved him so much. I've never loved anyone as much as I loved the two of you collectively. And as a Silent Brother that love was, inevitably, dulled. My emotions were…different back then. But now I'm normal again, that love came rushing back to me. And you were here waiting, ready to accept that love all over again. But he wasn't, so I almost forgot about it, concentrated on loving you fully again for the first time in so long. But now, coming here, I don't know, it just makes that love come back all over again. And it's painful, because he's not here to receive it, now that I'm ready to give it again."

He stopped, his tears saying more than a thousand words. "James Carstairs, you know I love you. I love you a hell of a lot, okay. And I loved Will too. I loved you and Will, still do, equally and enormously. And I know that most people don't love two people as much as I do, as _we _do, but you know what? Loving both of you was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm so glad that I loved both of you the way I did. If I had been forced to choose between you, like these cheesy love triangles these days, I would've refused because I physically would've been unable. I didn't love Will more than I loved you, but I didn't love you more than him either. But what made our love so special, and so perfect was the fact that I didn't have to pick between the two of you, because neither of you were bitter and resentful of me nor the other, because you loved each other first and we all just wanted the other two to be happy."

She gave Jem a smile through her tears before continuing. "Maybe if we'd had more time, things would've been different. Sure it would've been weird, but we could've loved each other together. I'm pretty sure there's a modern term for it…"

"Polyamory?" Jem suggested, at the same time that Tessa said, "Threesomes." That elicited a laugh from both of them, the only laugh Tessa had ever had in front of Will's headstone.

"I love you," Tessa said, serious again. "And I love him, present tense. I'll always love the two of you, and I'm thankful for every second that I spent with him, and I'm now thankful for every second I get to spend with you. And our love keeps him alive. He's alive in our hearts, Jem, because the love we share brings him back to us. He loved us the same, and he's here sharing our love, even though he may be dead. We'll all be together again someday."

Jem nodded. "You're right, oh Tessa." He smiled at her, and then at the stone. "We should leave. We don't need to come here to keep the memory of Will alive; he lives in every moment with us."

Jem leant down and kissed the stone, as though saying farewell to an old friend. "Mizpah, William Herondale. For this isn't goodbye."

"Mizpah," Tessa echoed, feeling surprisingly fulfilled. She could almost feel Will's presence, smiling down on her and Jem as they shared on last kiss in front of the Herondale tomb, before walking away hand in hand, Will's hand and love entwined within them.


End file.
